I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
