There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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