I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
