she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Randomize
