i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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