what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
