Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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