Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
