Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Its about making memories worth repressing
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
