it was like eating out sand paper
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
