Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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