woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
