He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
