Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We’re leaving where are you
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