Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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