Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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