he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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