I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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