she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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