like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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