I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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