1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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