I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
