3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
