called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
