If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
