I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
