Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
