My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
