I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
