he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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