Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
