you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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