So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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