Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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