He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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