having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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