I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
