he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
