he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
