oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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