the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
