my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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