So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
