my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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