i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
