M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
