my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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