There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
this beer tastes like vomit already
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
