Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
