Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
