Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
