yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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